He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Acid is not a monday night drug
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
