I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
