As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
