you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
