saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
