Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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