I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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