that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.