His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.