he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.