I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.