I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.