I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
