Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just pee around me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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