I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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