I didn't shave. On purpose
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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