Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
