i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
