Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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