I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
