Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
