she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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