...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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