I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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