I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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