Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
