get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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