Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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