I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
