Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
