one two three fourrrrnication!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
