He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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