Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
