I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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