I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
