you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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