A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
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just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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