I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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