I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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