I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
