He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
