Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
