Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
