So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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