Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
