if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
