I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
