My nipple is on Facebook.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
