you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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