you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
