is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You can't just leave with hair like that
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
