I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she peed on how many people?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
