I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
