My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
