how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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