she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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