i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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