just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
