If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
