Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
