yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
