"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize