I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
