Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
