it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How external is "for external use only"?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
