Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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