Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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