my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
did i walk over a car last night?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
