guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
