Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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