Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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